IELTS Commentry: IELTS Essay Samples of Band 8

Here you can find IELTS Essay samples of Band 8, written by students and graded by an IELTS teacher.

Last updated: April 22, 2022

Note: the essays are checked by an IELTS teacher, not an IELTS examiner or examiner trainer.All the bands are approximate.

How To Write an IELTS Band 8 Essay

Essay samples are useful to get an idea what a Band 8 essay looks like, but how can YOU write a Band 8 essay? As you know, an IELTS essay is scored using 4 criteria:

1. Task Response
2. Coherence and Cohesion
3. Lexical Resource
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Many test takers are unsure what is wrong with their essay, why they keep scoring Band 6.5 and how to take their writing to Band 8 level. Is that how you feel, too? Keep reading then, because we are just about to analyse a Band 6.5 essay and show you what to change in it, to get a Band 8 score in IELTS.

Colours show elements relating to each criterion that affect the Band Score of this sample IELTS essay. Hold mouse over highlighted words (or tap on mobile) to see the comments, suggestions and corrections.

IELTS Essay Analysed and Rewritten from Band 6.5 to Band 8

IELTS Essay Topic: Some say you should always marry for love; others say that in an uncertain world it is wiser to marry for money. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

IELTS Sample Essay – Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion and Lexical Resource Analysis

Nowadays, money is one of the most significant materials in our lives. To many people, it is appropriate to marry for money rather than love. However, I believe that both love and money should be bouncetogether in any marriages.Certainly, money is an important part in our lives [TS]. It is hard for any persons to accept a partner which* does not have money or at least a job to take care of future family. Hence, said “marry for money” also has its right in some extent.However, love should be the root of any marriages [TS]. Firstly, it is because love is such a glue to connect two persons which have their own lives, become one (NC). So, they can share each other’s the sadness, happiness to overcome any difficulties in daily lives. Moreover, love makes people growing up because they do not only have responsibility to themselves, but also to their partners as well. That is why marrying with love is always encouraged.In my opinion, I think that both love and money is both necessary [TS]. Marriage relying on money would be rapidly disintegrated when unfortunately the money is run out. In contrary*, marriage relying on love would sometimes come to end when they could not earn money to carry out family (NC), such as paying bills, buying food, etc. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage even though their contribution could be unbalanced (NC).As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy ending. So I believe that they both have their own contribution to a merry family.

1. Task Response Analysis: This essay follows the task requirements quite well. Both points of view are discussed (in paragraphs 2 and 3) and the writer’s personal opinion is offered (in the introduction, paragraph 4 and the conclusion). The opinion is clear. The paragraph on money is not very well developed and not entirely clear.
Approximate score for Task Response: Band 7.

2. Coherence and Cohesion Analysis: Most linking expressions are appropriate but two are not (see asterisk *). Coherence is concerned with the effectiveness of what the essay is trying to communicate. The essay is well structured – each paragraph announces its topic clearly [TS] and the introduction announces the opinion of the writer. Sometimes the ideas are not entirely clear inside the paragraphs (see NC). Also the writer has a tendency to be repetitive.
Approximate score for Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.

3. Lexical Resource Analysis: The use of vocabulary seems quite reasonable but attempts to use a wider range
are not always successful (see corrections above). Probably not quite good enough for a 7.
Approximate score for Lexical Resource: Band 6 or 6.5.

The same IELTS Sample Essay – Grammatical Range and Accuracy Analysis

Certainly, money is an important part in our lives. It is hard for any persons to accept a partner which does not have money or at least a job to take care of future family. Hence, said “marry for money” (#5) also has its right in some extent.

However, love should be the root of any marriages. Firstly, it is because love is such a glue to connect two persons which have their own lives, become one. So, they can share each other’s the sadness, happiness to overcome any difficulties in daily lives. Moreover, love makes people growing up because they do not only have responsibility to themselves, but also to their partners as well. That is why marrying with love is always encouraged.

In my opinion, I think that both love and money is both necessary. Marriage relying on money would be rapidly disintegrated when unfortunately the money is run out. In contrary, marriage relying on love would sometimes come to end when they could not earn money to carry out family, such as paying bills, buying food, etc. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage even though their contribution could be unbalanced.

As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy ending. So I believe that they both have their own contribution to a merry family.

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy Analysis: Although the essay is quite easy to follow, it has too many grammatical errors in too many sentences to merit a 7 score (see corrections highlighted above). The range of grammatical constructions used seems quite good.
Approximate score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6 or 6.5.

Improving the Sample Essay to Achieve an IELTS Band 7

The same essay now at around a Band 7 level might look something like this. Read it carefully and compare it with the original:

Certainly, money plays an important part in our lives. It is hard for any persons to accept a partner who does not have money or at least a job to take care of their future family. Hence, it is said, “marry for money” is right in some extent.

However, love should be the root of any marriage. Firstly, it is because love is such a strong bond between two persons who have their own lives, and become one. So, they can share each other’s sadness, happiness to overcome any difficulties in their daily lives. Moreover, love makes people grow up because they do not only have responsibility to themselves, but also to their partners as well. That is why marrying for love is always encouraged.

In my opinion, I think that love and money are both necessary. A marriage relying on money would rapidly disintegrate when unfortunately the money ran out. In contrary, a marriage relying on love would sometimes come to end when they could not earn money to carry out family duties such as paying bills, buying food, etc. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage even though their contribution could be unbalanced.

As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy end. So I believe that they both make their own contribution to a merry family.

Improving the Sample Essay to Achieve an IELTS Band 8

To turn the Band 7 sample essay into a Band 8 one would require further improvement in range and accuracy of grammar, greater clarity and better connection of ideas, and a wider range of appropriate, higher level vocabulary.

So the same sample essay now at around a Band 8 level might look something like this. Once again, read it carefully and compare it with the original:

Nowadays, money is one of the most significant elements in our lives. So, for many people, it may seem appropriate to marry for money rather than love. Certainly, money plays an important part in our lives. It is challenging for any persons to accept a partner who does not have money, or at least a job to take care of their future family. Hence, the expression, “marry for money” seems appropriate, in some extent, at least. However, I believe that marriage should involve a combination of both love and money.

Clearly, love should be the foundation of any marriage. This is because firstly, love is such a strong bond between two persons, who have their own lives, yet become one. They can share each other’s sadness or happiness in order to overcome any difficulties in daily lives. Moreover, love fosters maturity because each member of a couple no longer has responsibility only for themselves, but also for their partner. These are just two, key reasons why marrying for love should always be encouraged.

In my opinion, love and money are equally necessary. A marriage relying solely on money might rapidly disintegrate in the unfortunate event of the money running out. Similarly, a marriage relying on love alone might sometimes come to an end if the couple could not earn enough money to manage their family’s obligations such as paying bills, or buying food. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage, even though their contribution might often be somewhat unequal.

To summarise, marriage without either money or love could come to an unfortunate end. For that reason, I would claim that they both make their own, vital contribution to the creation of a happy family.

If after reading these sample essays you are still missing something and can’t write at Band 8 level, don’t panic. We have a book that can help to improve your grammar and sentence formation, teach you how to connect your ideas better and give you a wide range of appropriate, higher level vocabulary. Go here to discover the “IELTS Success Formula” book.

suggested corrections are in the window